When someone is angry at us, when someone disagrees strongly with us, or when someone doesn’t value what we hold dear, we are naturally triggered. Our “lizard brain” (amygdala), which responds to a perceived threat, takes over. It’s lightning fast and therefore below the level of consciousness. This reaction worked well for early humans on the African savannah but is not helpful in a committee meeting or at coffee hour.
Try this:
- Next time this happens, pause and notice your physical sensations. Are you tense, has your breathing accelerated, or is your stomach clenched?
- Take control of your breathing. This tells the amygdala to stand down.
- Take a “time out” from the conversation. Leave the room, walk, or do what you can to relax and come back to your thoughtful, compassionate self.
- When the amygdala is calmed and no longer perceives danger, you can re-enter the conversation.
- Now you can respond rather than react.
Based on Transforming Conflict by Terasa Cooley
“The body, not the thinking brain, is where we experience most of our pain, pleasure, and joy, and where we process most of what happens to us.” ~ Resmaa Menakem
